I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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