No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
