All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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