I met the friendliest cop last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
