Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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