where am i from again
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
