I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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