I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
