I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Randomize
