Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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