I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
