Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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