Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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