sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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