You made me cry and you don't even care
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
