Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
