oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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