Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
