She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
