my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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