I got chris browned last night
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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