i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
