dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
