Are we in a gay sports bar?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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