I wish I could punch you in the face.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
it's like heaven, but drunker
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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