watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
