New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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