i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
it was like eating out sand paper
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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