when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
