Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
