Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
