he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
no you cant smoke seaweed
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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