Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize