i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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