Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
