i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
