Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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