I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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