Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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