Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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