i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
