the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
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