I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
