youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
