Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize