I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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