plz talk dirty to me
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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