The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
