my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
