i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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