you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
