I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
