my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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