Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Naked Twister starts at high noon
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
