I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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