You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
