idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
