Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
