there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
