She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
