Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
