saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
