I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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