My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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