I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
