I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She told me I should be a condom model.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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