If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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