Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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