hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dear god my vagina.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
