Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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