are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
