Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
