I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We need to get me chipped asap
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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