Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
