i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize