I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
