Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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