i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
