It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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