i would punch a child for taco bell
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
