I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
