I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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