Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
