omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
where are my eyebrows?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
