I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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