Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize