I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize