Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
