I think i peed on brittanys purse
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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