Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
