either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
