Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Randomize
