yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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