Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
